| Claymation |
[15 Jan 2011|11:30am] |
The kids are playing with clay.
GWEN: I'm making sushi. This is my sushi restaurant. What kind of shop do you have, Spencer?
SPENCER: A clay shop.
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| 9 years old |
[06 Nov 2010|07:09pm] |
Gwen's birthday party theme this year:
None. She wants nothing matching.
Puppy-dog balloon, Pikachu pinata
Brown & burgundy streamers
Black & white plates, gold forks
Black balloons, turquoise balloons
Black frosting on cake, sprinkled with candy bats
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[06 May 2010|11:02am] |
GWEN: My teacher told us not to tell our parents what the project is that we're working on for Open House.
ME: Oh, it's supposed to be a surprise?
GWEN: That's what I inferred.
ME: ! Nice word!
GWEN: What? She taught us how to infer stuff.
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| Stuffed Animal Cruelty |
[21 Mar 2010|08:46pm] |
Spencer was kicking a teddy bear along the floor.
ME: Why are you kicking your teddy bear?
SPENCER: What, he's always mean to people.
ME: Really?
SPENCER: Yeah. He's a bully.
ME: Oh.
SPENCER: So you can do whatever you want to him. Just don't be nice.
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| Pet Snail |
[08 Mar 2010|01:21pm] |
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The kids captured a snail over the weekend and named it Cheeseball Frank Hozman.
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| Ad Man |
[01 Mar 2010|10:06pm] |
Spencer should never be a spokesperson for Long John Silver restaurants.
He says, "Why do they even call it that? That's not a good name for a food place. It doesn't sound like they'd give you very good food. It sounds like they'd give you a person to eat. Person meat."
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| Opposites |
[14 Jan 2010|04:03pm] |
Case Study: Two separate children, two separate visits to the doctor's office for a flu shot.
CASE 1: Gwen, age 8
At home:
Upon hearing she might need a shot: "NOOOOOO!"
The entire car ride:
"I hope I don't have to get a shot. I'd better not need a shot. I don't want a shot."
At the doctor's office:
Upon hearing that yes, a shot is imminent: "But I don't WANT a shot! How could you do this to me??"
Bargaining: I tell her she will get a sticker for letting the nurse do her job. "I don't even like stickers!" I tell her we can get a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts, then, and she seems slightly swayed. I up the ante to ALL MAPLE GLAZED doughnuts and she seems more inclined to cooperate.
Upon the nurse entering to administer the shot: "Wait! Not yet! Let me calm down first. Wait!"
The nurse and I make small talk for two minutes, then tell her it's time. "Wait, no! Wait! One more minute!"
One minute later. "No! No, wait!"
I hold her tight and the nurse does her thing. Gwen yells loudly. From that moment through till bedtime, she complains that her arm hurts.
CASE 2: Spencer, age 4
At home:
Upon hearing he might need a shot: "Oh."
At the doctor's office:
"I hope I get a shot." I ask him why. "Because I want to get 3 stickers."
The nurse enters to administer the shot. I ask Spencer, "Which arm do you want your shot in?" He chooses the right and we roll the sleeve up together.
I hold him tight and the nurse does her thing. Spencer comments afterward, "That didn't even hurt." And it is never mentioned again.
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| Like Mother Like Daughter |
[08 Jan 2010|09:16am] |
Gwen's conversation with another kid online at Moshi Monsters:
KID: your monster is cooler
GWEN: NOOOOOO!
KID: ok than
GWEN: You spelled "then" wrong
KID: oh ok
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| Gwen's Homework Sentences (3rd grade) |
[07 Jan 2010|07:36pm] |
She has dark purple hair all over!
Put care into mixing the potion.
His chair is alive!
Someone's shaving all the fur off that bear!
Where did my pet boa constricter go?
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| Can animals make fists? |
[19 Dec 2009|11:56am] |
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Spencer's crazy sense of humor: "Mom, Vesta's mean. She just punched me."
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| SPENCER STORY! Alert! Alert! |
[14 Dec 2009|09:30pm] |
Eating at a food court in a mall, just me and the kids (8 and 4-1/2), Gwen insisted I could leave her alone at the table while I took Spencer to the rest room. I told her no, and she kept asking why.
ME: I don't want anything to happen to you!
GWEN: Nothing will!
SPENCER: Yeah, Mom. Don't be a baby.
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| Gwen's Homework Sentences |
[01 Dec 2009|06:25pm] |
No-one has stage fright, am I correct?
Look for the cells in the black topped jar.
The giraffe is evil!
Don't plunge into the pool. Just jump.
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| Funny conversations in the car this morning |
[01 Dec 2009|12:14pm] |
As we got into the car to go to school, Gwen was asking me how many minutes it was till school started. Then we forgot something and had to go back, so then she asked again how many minutes *now*?
She said, "This would make a good game. Kid Forgets Snack. Go back 2 spaces."
And then everything we talked about on the ride turned into a component of the game, all made up by Gwen.
Dogs in Back of Truck Ahead of You. Go forward 2 spaces.
People crossing street. Opponents all go forward 1 space each.
When Spencer wanted me to skip the song that came on my car stereo, Gwen said, "Bad Music. Go back one space."
I laughed and said how funny that was. Gwen said, "Hilarious Joke. Go forward 3 spaces."
Later, when it was just me and Spencer in the car:
SPENCER: Does everyone have a car?
ME: No, not everyone.
SPENCER: Are there a lot of cars in the world?
ME: Yep!
SPENCER: Are there still a lot of cars to buy??
ME: Yes, definitely!
SPENCER: A grown-up can marry a kid, if they're not already married, right?
!?
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| Time travel? |
[29 Nov 2009|06:49pm] |
Gwen's making Christmas "presents" and putting them under the tree. Just now, she exclaimed, "There are already TWO presents under the Christmas tree!! I hope one of them is for me!!"
She checked the packages and said, "Nope, they're not for me."
Spencer said, "If you made the presents, then you know they're not for you."
Gwen's reply was, "But they could be for the *future* me!"
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| Is this true or not? I don't even know! |
[18 Nov 2009|08:05am] |
Gwen, age 8, has worn out her boots and would like new ones. I showed her some online, to get a good feel for what she likes before I look in a brick-and-mortar store. Just like me, she only likes black boots that are shiny, not suedey. But brown or purple can be either.
ME: How about boots with fur on them?
GWEN: NO! Those are so out of fashion!
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| Grammar Road Rage |
[06 Nov 2009|06:13pm] |
I yelled at a car while I was driving in traffic this afternoon. I yelled, "NO!"
You think they cut me off? Or stopped abruptly in front of me? No, that wasn't it.
I yelled "NO!" when I saw their license plate holder. It read, "Your right! It is all about me!"
I mean...how is that my right???
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| Wax On, Wax Off |
[29 Oct 2009|01:15pm] |
Gwen's Kenpo class did some sparring exercises last night. Gwen was paired up with one of the "seniors" in the class (a girl almost exactly Gwen's size) and they really went at it! I could hear them laughing a bit, really having fun with it.
Afterwards, when the instructor reminded the class that a tournament was coming up, Gwen raised her hand and said she wanted to fight in it. He said okay.
OMG, everyone I know has to come see this. She's soooo adorable and tough at the same time!
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| Houston, we have a problem... |
[24 Oct 2009|10:46am] |
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...Gwen just asked to keep the XM music channel on "Pop & Hits music" because "It's more interesting than '80s."
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| Still perplexed... |
[20 Oct 2009|05:40pm] |
...over the homework sentences that Gwen writes with her vocabulary words....
"I found some raw meat."
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| Logic |
[11 Oct 2009|12:54pm] |
GWEN (7): I don't want to take turns on the computer!
ME: Well, usually when Spencer says he wants to take turns on the computer, he winds up just letting you play on it while he watches. So I wouldn't complain, if I were you.
SPENCER (4): Yes, you would, Mom.
ME: What??
SPENCER: If you were her, then you would do the things she would do.
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